I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
