I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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