You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
please don't ironically join a cult
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