hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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