So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
