I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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