It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
