he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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