Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
