who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
