my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
