Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
