Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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