Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
