Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
