i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
