Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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