just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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