I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
