i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
