i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
