I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
