What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
