I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
