All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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