i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
