sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
