haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
