It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
