Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
