I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
