hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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