Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
