suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
