Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
