a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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