Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
