Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
