I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
