I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
