When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
