Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
