Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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