I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
