Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You can't motorboat a personality
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
