i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
