i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
