my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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