3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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