I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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