Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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