definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
