Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
