If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
