overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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